Could It Be Me or You?

Recently my color of day were grey,

And I was totally in depression mode,

But lucky thing I have my friends that accompanying me,

Making me laughed,

Let me put aside my worries and stress,

Thanks all my three beloved besties,

I am so lucky to have you guys in my life,

Just like my dear (Pei Pei) told me,

Ever since the very first year we know,

Four of us never seem to be depart from each other,

Because we know each other,

We tolerate and we appreciate each other.

Somehow back of my mind I'm thinking of someone,

Wondering is it our friendship gap seem exist,

Could it be me or you have changed?

Or we both actually lose the heart to communicate?

I don't know,

Just thinking whats up with us,

And one thing for sure you are not there,

When I need you the most,

Even I didn't mentioned out,

Perhaps I am putting too deeply hope,

Hoping that you will know,

But it's alright,

I can't expect people turns to me when I totally down.

30/3,

The end of one presentation,

Make me feel totally relieve,

Perhaps thats the hardest presentation I thought of,

Next two presentation should be alright,

I attended job career fair on today,

Yet not many good company is available,

Most attractive company consists of financial sector,

Few of my friends want to try for that area,

And so do me thinking,

No harms to give a try.

My mood is like 101% neutral,

Losing my appetite,

Still finding for motivation to study,

And no longer caring for other things,

But got a person said,

"No matter how you change, you're still my friends",

"And we're still the same".

*touched my heart*

Guess it's all about,

Recently less photo taking,

Will update any nice pics soon,

Stay tune.

-Logging Off-

The First and Last Step

Too naive,

Thinking making a very first step,

Can make everything turns out to be better,

But it seem not,

Because it might just the last step,

I am so stupid.

Fragile heart break again,

Even though is numb,

Yet I still can feel the pain,

Tears is like slowly want to come out from my eyes,

I am feeling like a puppet,

Craving for answer,

Just an answer,

Yet it seem hard.

Stupid of Me.

笨

今天知道很多事情 让我呼吸不来 眼泪慢慢的流下来 我是怎么了？ 我觉得很无助 脆弱 全身都没有力了 告诉我 为何人类明明知道懂了一些东西会难过 可是还要去懂呢？我就是那个笨的人。原来 我不知道的事 真的很多。现在懂了 改变的是我觉得很后悔 而改变不了的就是我们两个人的距离。很笨吧。当初的信任 为何不见了？我是一个很笨的人。算了吧。让一切都过吧。我相信 有一天 一切都会不一样了。而我不想再多说了。

A nice song to be shared.

Letting Go

Gotta get myself together
Try to make it through tonight
Tell myself that we were never broken 
There were times I thought I might be finding ways to make it right
But then you walked away and opened up my eyes
Now I see that I've been wasting time
I had a picture of us painting in my mind
Now its fading and there's nothing left to do

Chorus:
Letting go
Cause I know
You were only half way there
Even though, 
We were close
I was holding on just long enough to know
I should be letting go
I should be letting go

Thinking back on when you used to fill my head with empty words
Wishing now that I refused to listen
How'd I ever let it happen
Never thought I'd ever say 
Gotta leave this life and all the foolish pain
Now I see that I've been wasting time
I had a picture of us painted in my mind
Now its fading and there's nothing left to do

(Chorus)

Now I see that I've been wasting time
I had a picture of us painted in my mind 
Now its fading and there's nothing left to do~~

Emo Session

26/3,

Suppose to be a happy day,

Because I get to play basketball,

Especially before I am going back to Kampar soon.

But,

Today I played basketball with three person,

OMG!

First time all over my these years,

I was damn fire,

Why?

I seem got humiliate by them,

Not finding reason over my bad form today,

They are totally rascals,

And what I cannot forgive them,

Is treating my favorite basketball game,

As if like a boxing,

Harsh and foul are what they gave us.

*shit*

My mood became very unstable,

And I wondering why I would like damn emo,

Looking at your Facebook perhaps,

I don't know what you want,

Really.

*sighs*

"To you, I am strong in the sense that I never want you to see my vulnerable faces"

借口

很想说，

对不起，

我们能像以前那样吗？

习惯，

被你逗，

被你整，

被你疼，

被你骂，

也被你哄。

那些日子，

真的很美好，

虽然会吵架，

或者想法不一样，

可是，

我们还是能彼此谈心，

分享我们的故事，

安慰彼此的难过，

享受我们篮球的生活。

我好怀念，

你我读书的日子，

一起寻找篮球的朋友，

一起打篮球，

一起看电影，

一起睡觉，

最怀念的还是你骑脚车载我。

可是往往都会想，

如果我们回到以前，

你会不开心，

你会担心，

因为我的依赖，

让你觉得很沉重，

对不起。

所以，

现在的你，

最开心吧，

看到你，

我不敢看住你的眼神，

也不敢对你说话，

因为你的眼里，

再也没有我的存在。

只要你幸福，

我能承受，

失去你的痛苦，

也能接受，

你的新恋情，

再也很想哭，

也会假装，

我没事。

PLEASE...

PLEASE..

GO AWAY...

GET OUT FROM MY MIND...

*shit*

I Wanted You

I wanted you to be there when I fall...

       I wanted you to see me through it all....

I wanted you to be the one I loved...

       I wanted you, I wanted you...

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep...

       I wanted you to show me what I need...

I wanted you to know just how down deep...

       I wanted you, I wanted you....

[I WANT YOU]

The song that inspire me so much,

I trust and believe,

Someday,

It will come soon.

^^

I'm so DIFFERENT :D

Last five years,

And after five years,

I am really different a lot!

My skill improve a lot,

Even though I am not great,

Just an average player only.

Last five years,

I show to a person whom look down on me before,

A person that do not how to respect peeps,

The one that just care for ownself,

She was the one humiliate me before,

And I was embarrassed by her words.

The after five years,

I show to her,

The different in me,

The one who playing basketball with all my effort,

Thanks for someone,

Used to train me a lot,

Used to pull me along in the game,

Used to be the one that I admired,

Used to showed me all around the basketball world.

*thanks Jie*

I am not trying to be arrogant,

I just being happy that I could able stand at the court,

Playing along with all of basketball friends,

I enjoyed it so much,

Laughters and sweat accompany me in the game,

Even though I cried before,

Even though I thought to give up before,

But all this moment,

I endure it with courageous,

And I make it.

I hope YOU proud of me too.

=)

-Logging Off-

"Sot Plak"

I'm really wondering,

Why why and why?

My world is like full with those SOT PLAK peeps,

Cannot stand anymore,

Saying and writing sot sot stuff,

Is so LOA!

*argghh*

Perhaps I should learn stuck my ears with headphone,

Listen to those inspiration songs,

Even hearing sad song,

Is much better than facing so many "sot plak" peeps,

Making me frustrated for nothing.

*vomit*

Between,

Happy news to mentioned here!

After so long being sport-less person,

Later I'm going to play BASKETBALL,

*happie*

My life is like live up again,

Feel so fresh and high right now.

So I better get ready now,

Tomorrow going back to Kampar,
Hope I can enjoy myself tonight,

And after that,

Must stay focus in final examination,

And in the same time,

Enjoy my last sem in Kampar.

=)

-Logging Off-

[My Life]

*except "I Fall For Boys Easily"...*

Raining...and I'm Bored.

It's raining now,

Wondering why I got the mood to write blog,

Mainly I'm so bored,

Haha!

My little nephew is sleeping,

So enjoyable.

Watching the Super Idol's program now,

Wow A-Jing so damn cool,

Her voice is damn nice,

Hehe!

Fall for her when she singing my fav song,

OMG!

^^

I want to be like a snail,

Slowly slowly slowly move forward,

Even though the road will be challenging,

Yet I will move forward!

*gambateh*

Raining moment so easy feel hungry,

Haha,

Gotta log off and find food to eat,

I'm fat soon!

><

P/s : When there is family, any obstacles also can break through :)

-Logging Off-

Because You Loved Me, Mii ♥

Happy Birthday Mii!

Wish you stay healthy and wealthy,

Always as pretty as you want,

And be happy everyday!

Thanks for everything,

And I am who I am,

Because You Loved Me.

-Logging Off

The Reason For Future.

Deng-deng-deng!

I'm at my homey in Klang!

Super happy,

Because I'm so near to my family once again,

The reason for my future.

Just finished complete watched a Korean series,

Dream High!

Wow!!!!

I'm totally in love with this drama,

And make me so in love with dancing,

Most important I learned something in it.

It's about dream,

It's about friendship,

It's about challenges in life,

It's about imperfect of own self,

Life is just about you to change it,

Without any hesitate,

Accepting whatever that fall to you,

Future always in your hand.

^^

Oh I'm fat already,

And my beloved mum said it's alright,

Haha!

So tonight will eat many food again.

*no reason to reject delicious food*

12am still few hours to wait,

Hehe!

It's my beloved mum birthday!

Waiting to celebrate with her,

And thats the reason I rush myself to back my homey,

Lovely mum,

Wish you happy always!

^-^

P/s: The one cannot feel happy for friends' achievement,

The one cannot feel sad for friends' mishap,

Is the one that near to the hell.

-Logging Off-

Reaching The End...

Yippie! All the assignments finally reach the end and I'm feeling much relieved. Hope me and my group mate hard work does worth it. I loves you guys so much, Pei Dear > Ahui > Sifu ♥
But somehow, I seem feeling sad about it. I guess probably my final sem is reaching the end soon. Sat down think back of all those times. Laugh on my silly-ness and also those funny moment with friends. But somehow heart will still pain when remember those sad memory and people who are not worth it. So, I choose to ignore those memory. Because is insignificant anymore. =)

Three years is seem like so short till is like yesterday was the first day I enter UTAR. Haha! Used to think that Kampar is really boring place but I do really met a great bunch of friends here *eliminate those not-so-called as true friends*. Then, how long I need to wait to gather again with my bunches of friends? *sighs*

Simple updated post because I'm tired now. Gotta off to bed soon. Promise will update a better post next time. =)

P/s: Actually in University's life, somehow from certain peeps, I learn that "You or Me" theory rather than "You and Me" (someones' statement remind me of it). The reality always make people's heart feel pain and so do I. But, you do not deserve my heart pain anymore, the FRIEND-WE-USE-TO-BE but NO LONGER ANYMORE.

Bipolar moods

A new blog design again,

This time using white and those light color as theme,

Feeling very neutral,

Perhaps recently I'm having bipolar moods,

So trying to peace down my mind,

And be neutral so I feel nothing at all,

At least good for me.

Wondering why I put above picture,

Actually today heard some bad news,

Weather is getting weird,

And Japan and almost 20countries,

All are in danger,

Because of Tsunami attack and some volcano incident.

Suddenly I remembered,

In my life,

How many of them do I cuddle to sleep?

And how many of them cuddle me to sleep?

Haha!

Mummy you Jennifer and Anderson,

Make me feel warm,

I like that feeling so much.

*smiley*

The tragedy makes me afraid,

Even though trying hard to comfort friends that worried,

But failed to comfort myself even once,

Life seem short nor long,

I feel that peoples,

Should not waiting to be too late,

In concerning and appreciating,

Those you loved and concern.

Learn to appreciate every lives in your life

-Done-

Homesickness.You.

This week many of my friends go back to hometown,

Perhaps I should do the same too,

But too bad,

I have assignments to busy,

The important assignment which I handle,

Making me stressful like hell.

Yes,

I am totally having homesickness now,

Because I am not in proper mood,

Perhaps few things happened,

That influenced my mood,

And for sure,

You will be the main reason.

Missing you so much,

Just now radio plays the song,

You used to dedicate to me,

On such special days,

Those days,

Really memorable days,

But it had passed for three years,

And I still hoping I could every single,

Of those feelings.

P/s: Ignore me, please.

-Done-

Living In Place That Happy Yet Sucks!

I been living in a place for almost three years,

It has a nice of natural view,

It has peaceful lake,

Numbers of rare animals,

The growth of trees,

The huge mountains,

And weird weathers,

Either very hot or very cold.

I been living in a place for almost three years,

All along these years,

I had made numbers of friends,

I had many memorable memory in here,

And I had sadness memory too.

I been living in a place for almost three years,

I learn many things,

And I learn about peeps too,

Those can be really trusted,

And those faking around,

Nevertheless those who can be just passerby.

Kampar,

It's completely true,

Place that I feel being happy and crazy,

When I am with my best friends,

When I am with my true friends,

And when I am with my classmates or coursemate,

Yet things never going to be perfect,

Because I am effing sad to realize,

Some people around us just good in faking,

And spreading things that they think they know,

But actually they do not know.

So thats the minor part of reality world that I learning,

Yes I am learning on how I should aware,

How I should be careful with those peeps,

That always make my life seem complicated,

Or making other peeps life complicated,

And stressful like no one business!

I,

Prioritize my own freedom,

For my words and actions,

So those effing peeps,

Please do not twist my words,

Or my actions,

And thought,

Into your stuff,

Like I do not give a damn.

I,

Prioritize my own freedom,

And I am giving warning,

Do not mess up with my life,

Because you are truly dead,

If you did it.

P/s : I am not tools or strategies for peeps to use as weapon. 

I string myself with no one thought so do respect before I screw you up!

Immature

I realize that how much immature am I,

I know that you can live better without me,

And I thought somehow you will realize,

That I am important,

But silly of me,

Just lying myself.

I never want to be as your admirer,

Loving you for damn long,

And doing things that you dislike,

But,

I still mind of something,

Which you might never tell me before.

Was that because you never want me to be sad?

Or simply thought on something else,

I meant was that time,

Or actually I am not so special person to you?

Perhaps I am nobody to you.

My heart is trusting you,

But your ways of action,

Makes my trust seem unstable,

How much I want to talk to you,

And how much I want to hear you laughing,

And joke around with me,

But all seem just hoping,

Because you will never be the one anymore.

Afraid to make myself too free,

Because I know I still missing you so much,

Forgive me for making your heart break,

Once before,

And perhaps,

We're better to maintain in this way.

-Done-

Feel Like Dying (Can I...?)

Yes,

I am feeling totally depress out of sudden,

Emotional burst up,

And I am laughing and crying non stop.

It's not that I wanted to be depress,

But I can't help it,

Many things happened recently,

And I thought I can be neutral about it,

Perhaps I can,

But something more serious matter happened,

Is related to my friends.

The sudden news,

Awake me,

The neutral part of me,

And those statements mentioned by others,

Is like making things more complicated,

Please stop those fucking statement,

Those action and words are inconsistent.

I am feeling like dying now,

Can I end my life?

For one reason I do not dare,

Because my family,

And my friends.

Sucks,

I am tired being faking ok enough!

Give me a break,

Please peeps!

-Done-

喝完了一杯 cappuccino,

还有 7"30,

说一句我爱你,

才用 3.3 seconds

1/1000 的快乐,

才能让你听歌,

04 minutes,

可以让你 send 五封的短讯,

18 秒的快速旋转,

我们才能变同一个人。

我们的爱情在两年前 结束了,

那个比任何任何人还要复杂恋爱,

等到没有时间,

只剩那一句话,

"I just want you by my side"

-Done-

If I lost for a day,

Please don't find me,

I just need to being in somewhere,

Somewhere relaxing,

Somewhere out from problems,

Somewhere belongs to myself.

I'm not in love towards the world,

I'm just in love toward warmness.

Friends

As beautiful as those quotes,

How many peeps really can do it?

How many friendships that could actually sustain?
It might that I'm too negative suddenly,

But friends can be disguise,

Might on certain peeps,

Because trust always been betrayed,

So how many peeps will still have the courage to trust?

I'm very blurry,

I'm very sad,

My heart is pain,

Thinking for those friends' issues,

I need someone,

Someone to talk to,

But who?

I have no idea at all.

Sucks,

Emotion,

F***

Go away negativity!

P/s : I need space to catch clear view,

I need air to breath,

I need rest.

-Done-

Love and yet, Love.

Love,

Can be very beautiful,

Can be very painful,

Depends on each and everyone's thought.

Today,

I saw that person again,

The person that once make my heart beat faster,

Yet still now the same,

The person that once make me smile and laugh,

Without reason,

But it's different now,

The person that once make my heart break,

And still my heart feeling the pain.

How long has us not contacting each other,

How long has us not talking together,

And how long has us not joking around and laugh?

Three months seem like three years,

We said we're still friends,

But the promise seem deniable,

Because we are the stranger that know each other too well.

Is this our fate?

Perhaps yes,

I don't know,

And never want to determine.

Today,

I heard some issues about love,
Make me think a lot,
And feel heartache about it,
I really wishes and wishes,
Those couple friends of mine will stay happy,
Even sometimes there is argument,
And for those single,
They could find someone better and caring for them.

But,
I figure out few friends of mine,
Actually as same as me,
We fall down,
We heartbreak,
But yet we have different perspective,
I want the one I love stay happy,
Even I'm not the one beside them,
While my friends,
They need to protect their heart,
Thats why they need to be cruel,
And I do understand,
Their pain is never be less than me.

Sighs,
Love,
Such sickening,
Such tiring,
But I can't deny that,
Love bring happiness,
That everyone want for.

You think worth it,
Then go for it,
Never said give up,
When the end you will just regret,
Heart might hurt,
But never forget heart is live before,
Because of love.

-Done-

Vulnerable ME!

The beginning of the post should start from apologizing,

Sorry mummy for making you worry about me,

Each time I'm sick and I will call you up,

Then my tears will fall non stop,

Like a water pipe,

Lucky thing you're always there for me,

Even though I'm at some where far from here.

Finish of apologizing,

I want to sincerely thanks my room mate (Xiao Fern),

And all my friends that concern about me,

And sorry for making you guys worried too!

*feeling bad*

Lastly,

Sorry to myself,

I'm really a vulnerable person,

Vulnerable till easily fall sick,

And need to back hometown,

Back to where my parents and siblings are,

Only way that can make me feel better,

Even I'm sick like hell!

Ear pain,

Tooth pain,

And headache,

All nonstop in two days,

I'm feeling like a glass that going to break into pieces, 

For all this while,

I'm trying to be mature,

To be tough,

But some incident always prove that I'm not.

That's me,

Vulnerable yet act to be tough after all.

-Done-

First of March

Wootz!

         First day of March,

       One crazy month to gone through,

       Why?

     There is four assignments,

    There is three exams,

       And there is three presentations,

        All will be done by this month!

            *freaking afraid*

Somehow, it's represent left two months to go and I will graduate soon! It's not easier to walk so far somehow. I took my courageous to walk this far and I'm sure my parents and siblings will proud of me. And you, I do hope I make you feel proud too! *smiley*

There is always a room of me being crazy,

Just like I could laugh non stop when thinking something funny,

But for this month,

My craziness will increase like hell,

Because I got four assignments to edit,

Leading one tough assignments,

Presentation skill to improve,

And interviews to undergo!

*I never want to be JOBLESS*

Peeps told me that I should go for interviews right now. Never await till this final semester over. I need to fight in such competitive world even though I do not wish too. Yes, daddy and mommy! I'm officially contribute to family for after so long studies. Be await for my performance. *thumbs up*

Daddy, 

Happy Birthday!!

And,

Mommy wait me homes luu!

^^

-DONE-