Update Again!!!!

Oh yeah,

He is back to number ONE in my heart once again!

Why Why Why?

Because my group is doing assignment of a company,

And he is the spokesperson!

Haha!

Heart beat when listening to his songs!

*actually i'm just flower heart*

Mood are okay,

But I'm having heartache,

Feeling that this world is really scary,

Full with many fake-ness peeps,

They might backstabber but friendly when facing you,

Or you trust them but they betray you,

Oh gosh,

Life so miserable suddenly!

*oucchh*

But,

*another but again*

Life is realistic,

People can be so materialistic and selfish,

How many of them will really be truthful enough,

There is what I learn in university,

*no working experience*

Sighs!

Yet,

*positive thought*

I do met with peeps that use heart to make friends,

Use heart to treat and care people around them,

And I'm glad that I know them,

I'm pretty sure they know I meant them!

*smiley*

Life,

Can be happy and can be sad in just one day time,

Or can I said one hour time?

*i mean me*

Love is the same too,

You can very love a person,

And in the same time very hate him/her when got hurt,

Friendship too,

You can treat him/her very good,

But another second he/she might just stranger to you,

If argument happens.

*act mature*

Assignments,

Midterms,

Presentation,

When will "you guys" end visiting me?

*stress*

-Done-

27 February 2010. Sunday.

Oh My God,

Yes,

The weather is damn hot,

Making me freaking out,

Totally no mood study my SMPC,

Not even want to continue doing assignment.

But,

*there is always a but*

Just now I enjoyed myself,

Why do I?

Because after the long semester started,

This is first time lunch with my two buddies,

Cerhui & Eugena,

Haha!

Crap a lots,

But one good thing is LAUGH NONSTOP,

Cool babe!

Back of my mind,

I remember that person again,

Sighs!

*blame the hot weather*

Gotta find back my mood to study,

But feel sleepy right now,

So I better off to bed now,

Study later,

Chaos!

-Logging Off-

Tons of Feelings and Thoughts

It's 6 o'clock in the morning,

Laying at the bed,

Suppose to be about falling sleep,

But my brain can't stop working.

SMPC's note jumble up here and there,

Add on with those past memory,

Most important I'm missing my family,

Especially my youngest sister and nephew,

Arghh,

Hate my hyperactive brain!

Entrepreneurship's midterm,

Not so positive,

Wondering SMPC will be alright,

Because I'm totally demotivated to study,

Perhaps last semester,

Feeling like no longer same as previous semesters,

Having those unlimited of "fire" to motivate.

Feel that myself old a lots,

Perhaps I'm tired,

Physically and mentally,

Need the real rest actually.

Shit,

Why tears falling?

Must be eyes feeling tired now,

Or actually I'm crying?

Because I'm missing you?

Don't know.

-Logging Off-

It's 2something in the midnight and I'm still awake. Losing my mood to study and seem emotional. Guess I been influenced by the drama and songs. Who knows? I might gone crazy for another moment. Hearing a song which titled "Lian Ren Wei Man" sang by S.H.E. Suddenly the minds is like thinking of someone. Of how long we do not contact? Almost three month, I assumed. Or perhaps more than that. Wondering how long I do not feel the feeling of "above friendship but below couple" relationship? Memory flash back again. The feeling is sweet but yet hard to defined. Totally gone crazy that time. The mood was swing faster than the weather. Haha! But, thats girls' characteristics. Miss those feeling laying on the bed thought what are you doing and will you missing me too. The now of me not dare to be like exactly I was before this. Because I will definitely either fall asleep or I will being emotional for period of time. At least no harm for missing you when some songs triggering our memory. When song ends, thats the reality I gotta back to. Wondering why typing a post which seem boring and not even me understand what actually I want to talk about. I just feel like hanging in the air now. Sweat! Better stop now before peeps start to thinking I'm drunk. Missing you, thats real :)

He is the man, my Daddy ♥

My parent's photo,

And for sure the man is my beloved daddy!

Today is his birthday,

And for sad to mentioned,

I'm not there to celebrate his birthday,

Hate myself for that,

Because I never want him to feel that just mummy important to me.

Talked about my daddy,

Since I was small,

He loves and cares me a lots,

Especially when I grew up,

Those loves and cares never decrease,

Perhaps it's why my siblings feel jealous sometimes,

Because they think daddy loves me the most.

My daddy never scold me before,

Unless for those things that a children shouldn't do,

Especially going out till midnight,

Or even overnight at friend's house,

You may think that my daddy quite conservative,

But that's how he protect us,

Since he having six daughters.

Today is his birthday,

Another year older,

Why my heart feel pain?

Because I realized daddy is old,

For real he seem vulnerable a lot,

After the huge sickness,

He seem losing the healthy look in him.

Heartache,

He still work and not for him,

But for us,

Daddy loves me a lot,

He always afraid I doesn't have enough food to eat,

So he will always remind me to eat when I'm hungry,

Especially I'm back to Kampar,

He prefer me spending money on food,

Rather than for things that useless.

Today is his birthday,

So allowed me to said few things here,

To utter my heart out,

To let him know my appreciation towards him.

Daddy,

Thanks for the loves and cares,

Thanks for the guide and support,

Thanks for the protection and concern,

You being a great daddy to me in this life,

It is always,

And I'm hoping you're going to be my dad for "many" next life,

I *heart* you so much!

Thanks being my king and I'm always your little princess :)

-Logging Off-

Thanks and Please Once Again :')

Thanks God for hearing my pray,

My hand phone back to normal condition,

I promise I will love it more and more,

Even I'm changing my hand phone soon.

I received a news just now,

Not so positive news,

But I hope God hear my pray once again,

Please protect my friend's grandpa,

Let him endure such obstacles,

Let him stay healthy,

I pray to you, God.

I trust in YOU.

:')

-Logging Off-

My Hand Phone, My Life

Freaking SAD now,

It's my hand phone,

Doesn't know what happened,

Can't on correctly at all,

I feel a sense of pain right inside my heart,

My God,

I'm so DEPRESS now.

I know that this hand phone is "old",

It's had almost 5 years with me,

I love this hand phone so much,

Not that its too high tech,

But this hand phone had been accompanied me all these years,

Throughout all days and nights,

And most important,

It leave my memorable moment to me.

The present gave by my first and most deeply loved ex-couple,

Memory refreshed back to the moment on how I owe this hand phone,

It seem so clearly in my mind now,

SHIT!

Every details I remember damn well,

Tears seem can't hold on,

I want to cry badly now!

Why?

I almost want to changed my hand phone soon,

Why?

I almost to keep this hand phone into the memorable boxes,

Why?

I seem cares so much it,

Why?

Because the truth,

And the reason is you.

I miss you,

This moment feel lonely,

And the fact when hand phone drop dead,

I realized,

So much important memory that I chose to put aside,

The feeling came back again,

I can't deny that you are still that important in my heart.

My hand phone,

I pray that you will be alright soon,

Please,

"You" are what left now to me,

A significant souvenir of all those memory,

I pray.

P.S. I LOVE YOU

Promises :)

I had made a promise or should I said I vowed? Haha! Get back to the actual thing. I had promise myself that I will move on. Move on my life with smile and laughter that should perform by myself. Perhaps I should said nothing more I could done. So, leave those past life and move forward. For that I never love anyone anymore except my family and friends. That's the matter. Cheers, Jonna How Sui Ling. I got a list of promises but lazy to write it out so I will try my best not to break my promises. Live up, babe! Muahahahaha! That's right! :)

Unbelievable :)

Hellow,

I'm strong,

For me as who am I :)

Believe or not,

I'm strong enough than people think,

Not because anything motivate me,

It's just I find the reason to start over new,

And the reason is my family.

Somehow,

Thanks to concern and care,

From family and friends,

Please do trust that I can make it,

I can overcome those invisible barriers,

And makes my path clear enough.

Never think that I have changed,

Because I'm just grew up,

To be responsible over my life,

I just want simple life,

With simple determination,

And simple happiness.

Unbelievable,

But you, peeps gotta believe it,

For I'm Jonna How Sui Ling,

The one and only :)

P/s : 潇洒的放手 总比悲伤的 挽留不属于 自己的 爱情....

-Logging Off-

I'm one and only Jonna How

I'm one and only Jonna How Sui Ling,

In my dictionary,

There is no words of give up,

I'm glad that I can stand back once again.

Getting back on track,

Be prepare back to Kampar soon (thurs),

I will fight for my future,

I shall let my family and you (jie) feel proud of me.

That's my vow.

P/s : It's comfortable to release everything and hold no fist :)

Distance between The Lies & The Truth

When you thought of,

Those things are the truth,

Actually its the lies.

When you thought of,

Those things are the lies,

Actually its the truth.

Distance between truth and lies,

Is like there's an invisible wall,

You used heart to determine truth and lies,

Once wrong,

The one feel the pain is own self.

I'm just exactly in the center of lies and truth.

-Logging Off-

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day,

To whom that no longer be mine.

Love You Always,

My promise.

Logging Off-

Back To December

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side and
Realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came,
The dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright and
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to December all the time~~~

P/s : People always wish back to December where that month determine the end of years. I wish to turn back the time and turn back to December because I owe that particular important person a sincere apology which actually can change many things. But, I was stubborn and I did not apologize till I realize learn losing makes heart pain and guilty overwhelm my life. Sorry. :'(

Logging Off.

The Past, The Present, Ain't Nothing

Looked into the past memory,

Every small detail I still remember well,

All those moment,

We spent time together,

Times seem wasn't enough for us,

It was so happy,

Really happy,

Even though fought and argument happened,

It reminds us how we supposed to appreciated each other more.

But now,

You left,

My world such grey and losing the color of happiness,

I using all my time to search and search for myself,

When I looked back,

Ain't nothing those memory,

Because you had left.

The blue sea,

The present of my life,

I overcome those pains and hurts,

I smile once again,

I find the reason to start new over,

I have my family with me,

I have my friends accompany me,

I have melody of sound in my life,

I have my own path to walk,

But one thing in me seem losing,

The heart to be warm again,

The heart to accept again,

Ain't nothing,

Without you,

Life still goes on and smile seem different only.

The pink of blossom flower,

Reminds me Valentine's Day is arriving,

Which mean the saddest day in my past is coming too,

Which type of feeling should I have?

Loving while paining?

Hating while hurting?

I doesn't know how many days had passed,

I just know the times seem move fast,

And I fail to catch every of your expression once again.

P/s : Thanks to my sister's picture which make me had the feel to write this post.

Anyway, just way expressing picture. Never assumed things :)

Logging Off

Days By Days

Pheww. Chinese New Year reaching the end soon. Yesterday was "Tin Kong" day. Managed to settle everything down and enjoyed family gathering yesterday. Sighs. I will miss such moment once I back to Kampar next week. In within three days, I also managed to finish watching three different movies that best recommend in this CNY. All also nice especially "I Love HK". Because it teaches me many things in life could be family, friends and also neighbours.

Guess what? I try something new in this month which was I went for movie alone. The feeling was not bad as I think of. Alone shopping and movie makes life seem free sometimes. I love such feeling because it makes me feel that I could be independent and I do grown up. Weird thing was I went to watched "Mr. & Mrs. Incredible which more suitable to watch with couples. Because this movie was about trust and confidence that built within couples and moreover, husband and wife. Even though it was somehow comedy movie but it contains those scene that touch ones' heart.

CNY ends, Valentine comes. Recently I heard many unhappy news from my friends which makes me feel sad over those news and memory seem retorted back to those past stuff. I know it supposed to be past tense but I couldn't control those memory not to flying around in my mind. But, I will try my best to smile back after tears drop.

My beloved new hand phone need sometimes only I can get it. Sighs. But, I will wait for it. =)

-Logging Off-

Another Her :)

Can I be as pretty as her?

To my thought, 

She is pretty person and her voice damn nice,

So I guess impossible for me to be another her!

=(

But,

Nothing is impossible right?

So I will try my best to be as another her,

Yet I'm still myself!

=)

-Logging Off-

希望你永远快乐

时间，

好像过了很快，

新年都过了四天，

而我们，

好像很久没有讲话了。

那天，

和你打篮球，

从你的妹妹的口中，

知道那个事情，

我好像很久没关心你了，

也很久没安慰你了，

对你所有的事情，

好像慢慢的不了解了。

昨天，

我和朋友去唱歌，

突然间又想你了，

我们的那些回忆，

又出现在我的脑海中，

更讨厌的事情，

是我，

又为你掉眼泪了。

我，

发了短讯给你，

一直希望你会回信，

可是，

希望变成了绝望，

那个时候的我，

真的很伤心，

是因为，

我们之间的友情都没了。

或许，

你的世界没有我了，

可是在我的世界，

我还是认定你是我的朋友，

因为我们曾经是多么的要好的朋友。

很想说，

我们还是朋友吗？

我们不要再假装不认识对方了？

可是，

却说不出口，

因为你看住我的眼神都变了，

好冷漠，

好可怕，

你不再一样了。

所以，

我只能说的事，

希望你永远快乐。

-Logging Off-

Ups and Downs in CNY 2011 ♥

It's Chinese New Year 2011! Wow, time pass like a glimpse of light where no one could catch it in meantime. The First and Second Days of CNY 2011 had passed. How were it? I presume those two days were like elevator that goes up and come down. Let me summarize it short enough.

1st day, awake early and receive my very first angpau from my beloved mummy! Then, stayed at home and gambling with family. Then, went out to my uncle's home and gamble again. After that, went to my friends' house and gamble again. Wow, three rounds of gamble makes me "huat" a lot. Stay awake till the next day. Tired but enjoyed!

2nd day, continue from first day. After gamble, we went for early "bak kut teh". It was my treat because I so called won quite a lot. Then, went back home and sleep for two hours or more than that. Then, I awaken around 12pm and be ready myself went to grandma's house. Wow, met with my uncles, aunties and cousins. Then, gamble there and won a little bit too. Back from grandma's house on the evening and took some rest before dinner. After dinner, went to visited my first uncle (dad's bro). Stayed at there for a awhile and then, went to I-Dragon for accompanied my sister for dinner. After dinner, went back to my friends' house and gamble again. This time, won and lose.

(P/s: At grandma's house, something happened make me angry till hard to breath. Mummy asked me take it slow only I managed myself for not ending up in the hospital)

That's my routines in these two days. Less sleep recently. Today's awake in such blurry condition and my mind is all about someone. Sighs. I did it again. My heart has unlocked those pain and hurt once again. I'm still finding ways to lock it back so I can back to my sane mode. Anyway, just now try my first attempt to took picture using Instant Camera. Wootz! As usual, I failed but I will try again next time. So, I will most probably buy an Instant Camera too. =)

Logging off.

P/s: Tonight will be another sleepless night but BLAST moment! ;)

February Expresso!

It's the first day of February! Wow, the time moving so fast. Chinese New Year is around the corner. Tomorrow will be reunion day for Chinese's people. All gather around and have reunion dinner. This year also the same. Less two person with us which are my elder sister and her boyfriend. But somehow, we still can webcam with her. Cheers! =)

The last day of January which was yesterday I went to played basketball with my beloved gangs in Klang. The game were enjoyed and we laughed a lot too. Yet, there is always a "but". After played basketball, I went to "yam cha" with my friends and we chatted a lot about our love life. Then only I realized they actually are much more stronger than me. I'm totally impressed on how they could underwent those saddest moment with smile. It makes me want to be more tougher when I heard their story.

Someone makes me worry so much who are my mummy. Today early morning her leg can't really move. Getting me out of nerves. End up decided to been pushy and asked her to seen doctor. Lucky it's just muscle tight. But, doctor said my mummy need a lot of rest and could't do much heavy job. That moment I realized mummy really getting old and need rest a lot. Therefore, later on I will open siblings' meeting to re-arrange routine of life with my siblings.

End of January actually telling me that I'm going to graduate soon. Left two months more and I will soon out from University's life and involve into working life. That moment of me should be more mature and carry my responsibility including contribution to my family. Gotta play my part as daughter and sister in the family. I will try my best.

Anyway, my house is evolving a lot. Changed a lot. And I love those changes because making my home more comfortable. New Year's resolution for getting a new hp is almost reach. I'm going to have my own new hp soon. Feel happy about it. :)

P/s : Mum, sorry if I didn't help much today. But, I will try my best to be help better!

Happy Chinese New Year, friends!!